I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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