4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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