Don't make out with my wife yet
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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