found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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