Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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