I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize