All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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