Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
