Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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