i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize