I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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