im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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