i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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