I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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