My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize