So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize