I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
These tits shall not be calmed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize