The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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