This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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