get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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