So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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