you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize