you guys were way drunker than both of me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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