I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
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On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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