You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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