she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize