does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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