the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
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You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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