We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize