Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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