cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize