I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize