Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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