I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no, he came in my armpit
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize