Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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