If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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