Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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