you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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