for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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