i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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