So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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