Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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