ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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