dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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