I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize