gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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