sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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