dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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