I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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