you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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